the listenerd

optimized for maximum incontinence

Category: daily links

Links for December 2, 2011: The godfather of the straw, and other sucky tales

Sports: Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers owns a record label? [daily swarm]

Visuals: This one goes out to all of you penis lovers! Peruse – and re-order! – the 9 greatest penis moments in movie history. This seems like something Mark Lisanti should have written! (I don’t know.)

Local: Who Is Bon Iver?: A tumblr of ignorance and shame. (Subtitle mine.)

Television: David Milch is going to be developing some of Faulkner’s work for HBO. I loved Milch’s “Deadwood,” though, LIKE SO MANY, was completely annoyed with the way the series ended. To this day, I hold a little bit of Al Swearingen in me (his greasy hair).

Question: Is this a Spaghetti-Os pizza or a pizza crust that has been vomited on? (Consider this question to be like a captcha.)

Videos: NME has compiled a list of the worst videos ever. I guess I don’t know anything anymore. About anything. [spincity]

Sound: If you don’t have fun playing with this sound board, The Rap Board, then you are not a human being. I will never not love DMX barking. [coudal]

Innovation: Read about the history of the bendy straw. “Stone refined it by building a machine to wind paper into a tube and coat the outside with a paraffin wax to keep it from melting in bourbon. He patented the product in 1888. Today, Marvin Chester Stone is considered the godfather of the straw.”

Today’s links: F. I have so much more to give. So much more. To give. (But no time to sort it.)

Links for November 9, 2011: Being Barbie, bathing in ketchup fountains, dripping false honey

Facebook: How many times have I, here, mentioned that I quit Facebook? And that my life is better for it?

Typography: Mayuko, a student at a Japanese university, has created a font out of leg hair. YES, LEG HAIR.

Actors: Adam Wilson writes about Owen Wilson in The Paris Review. (More interesting than that lame-ass sentence makes it sound.)

Science: Experience reality as a Barbie doll or a giant. (Remember when I asked that an oversized Andre-the-Giant-as-a-woman-avatar be set aside for me? Forget that, you sick bastard.)

“In order to accomplish this trick of self-displacement, participants in the experiments lay on a bed and wore a head-mounted display connected to two video cameras. These cameras faced a fake body lying on a bed next to the participant; thus, when participants looked down toward their own bodies, they instead saw artificial bodies where their own should have been. These artificial bodies were either huge (a 13-foot form made of chicken wire) or very small (a Barbie Doll).”

Video: This cannot go unlinked – The GAG Quartet’s “le internet medley” (it references, like, 40 internet memes?).

Dinosaurs: Scientists now believe that the archaeopteryx, the first true ancestor of modern birds, was BLACK. I’m afraid my son, once thoroughly obsessed with dinosaurs, has now moved on to being thoroughly obsessed with superheroes.

Condiments: The chocolate fountain is dead. The ketchup fountain is alive and well. (And not even in Minnesota?). [laughing squid]

Fashion: If you have really grubby hands, you can buy a $90 shirt that is optimized for cleaning off touchscreens.

Television: Would you, perhaps, like to watch every single episode of Law & Order ever made? For $450? CHA-CHUNG. [poploser]

Obituaries: RIP Heavy D.

Food: I try not to put up a bunch of stuff that prominent bloggers have already talked about. But the fact that 75% of honey isn’t honey has not just disturbed me, it has ROCKED ME to MY CORE. [kottke]

Links for October 28, 2011: Let’s play with Diamond Dave’s crotch

*Games: The Van Halen edition of Asteroids, Assteroidz, entails shooting bullets out of Diamond Dave’s crotch.

*Connectivity: The average smartphone user checks their phone 40 times a day.

*Fashion: I’m not really sure what’s going on in this NSFW “Les Fleurs du Mal” Agent Provocateur ad, but I’m pretty sure it should be made into a full-length feature film. Trilogy.

*ZZZ: Hive is an art installation by Kristiina Lahde of phone books that look like honeycomb. I usually throw my Yellow Pages directly into the garbage. [notcot]

*Headlines: Golden Fiddle linked to this headline, but it’s too good not to repost: “Kauai charger gets pantsed by Teahupoo monster during Code Red swell in Tahiti.” Every word is like a delicious burst of nougat.

*Rides: Be mesmerized by Forever Bicycles by Ai Weiwei.

*Film: Director of photography John Alcott talks about what it was like to work with Stanley Kubrick on “Barry Lyndon.” Personally, I found “Barry Lyndon” to be the perfect combination of well-lit and depressing. [coudal]

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 27, 2011:

*The joy of illustration: Read this story about how “The Joy of Sex” was illustrated. That initial beard pic is a real boner-killer (please excuse the phrase). [coudal]

*Swirling eyeballs: Can you use one word to induce a hypnotic state? (There is video.) I have a special technique that I call “mesmerizing.” You will probably never experience it, but imagine taking a bunch of quaaludes and staring at the ceiling, maybe with urine dribbling down your leg.

*Nirvana: This wine-pumping shop in Palermo sells vino – 5 liters for €7.

*Imagery: NASA photos document the spread of nighttime lights in India from 1992 to 2003. The growth is incredible, and its implications boggle my mind daily. (I AM NOT EXAGGERATING HERE.)

*Selling: Mavic makes bicycle wheels that actually emphasize the little howling sound that comes with brake friction. This reminds me (a little) of the branding around Harley’s sound, leading the company to copyright the cough of their engines.

*Authenticity: Are Americans getting sick of one-of-a-kind things? Are handcrafted goods “overwhelming”? [notrobwalker]

*Generation X: Holy shit, Francis Bean is engaged. There’s old. There’s officially old. There’s bald old. And then there’s this. Where we are.

*Reading: The Awl tells you to read about Lynda Barry. And this time, you should listen.

*List: These essential rye cocktails, including the Manhattan, the Brooklyn and the Sazerac and the Diamondback, remind me that I would like to somehow raise $1800 to take a class on distilling.

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 26, 2011: A pair of shoes is not a walking machine

*Products: Aeroshots are caffeine inhalers that look like ammunition cartridges. (The last time I put something that looked like an ammunition cartridge in my mouth, it was on a dare and I ended up having to have 1-1/3 of my tonsils removed via emergency surgery.)

*Food: Edible spray paint is perhaps the BEST idea for a product since caffeine that can be inhaled via a device that looks like an ammunition cartridge! Now if you could just huff edible spray paint to get a caffeine high…

*Note: I did not know, until watching this “Weird Bikes” video, that bicycles began as WALKING MACHINES that were not even pedaled! In fact, I have always referred to the Segway as the original walking machine, and always with utter derision.

*Apps: A 50-year-old British man has embedded an iPhone into his prosthetic arm.

*Look: Bem Legaus’ chainmail art is AWESOME. My brothers and I, when we were kids, would often use pizza boxes as shields and the cardboard inserts left over after using up rolls of wrapping paper as swords. That’s right, we were too poor to afford chainmail. A fact that still haunts me to this day. Also, I had to wear Lee jeans in 7th grade. It was demoralizing, and I firmly believe that it is a major contributor to my lifelong lack of sexual charisma.

*Apparel: These touchscreen gloves from Muji aren’t what I was thinking AT ALL. (I was thinking of normal gloves with 3-inch-long extensions made out of hot dogs.)

*Money: Ben Tarnoff writes about the publishing industry in “The Worst Business in the World” for Lapham’s Quarterly. The first sentence is a doozy: “Imagine an industry where seventy percent of your products lose money.”

*Similar: On a related note, Jeopardy’s Ken Jennings is the 99%.

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 25, 2011: Please candle your earhole at your earliest convenience

*Mashup: This bicycle plays an LP while you ride it. And it is a VIDEO.

*Tattly: Bikes + types = temporary tattoos? (The apogee of the form, of course, is the Helvetica fixie.)

*Immersion: Immerse yourself in the world of Japan’s ear-cleaning parlors. A 30-minute ear waxing costs about $32. Seems reasonable? (Exaggerated Pee Wee Herman “What?” quote.)

*Yum: Adult Pixie Stix (Trixy Stix!) do not contain what you are IMAGINING they contain (I do not know what you are imagining they contain), they are, in fact, filled with flavors such as beet rose and black sesame. Also, there’s a weird video trailer for this whole deal.

*Amazon: This is Spinal Tape. (This is tape that looks like a spine.) [laughing squid]

*Hacking: Moneyfacing is Sleeve Facing, but with money. (I hope you know what I’m talking about.)

*Video: “To Die by Your Side” by Spike Jonze. The beret. The books. The music. The living covers. Crying into my cupped hands.

*Words: Sweet Lord Baby Jesus Christ Almighty, are you trying to tell me that the site that was named best grammar blog of 2011 is a hideous collection of insanely annoying ads?

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 18th, 2011: Extreme dentistry

*Compelling: There has never been a reader who has come to this site intentionally who would NOT click on a link to pictures of animals with guns for horns. NEVER. See “The Evolution Will Be Fabulous” by Peter Gronquist. And see it well, by God.

*E-retail: Dmitry Itskov is planning on creating a humanoid avatar body within 5 to 7 years. It would then be possible for a person to upload a consciousness into this body. Please pre-order me one 9-foot-tall, female Andre the Giant avatar body. (Don’t ask.)

*Images: In “The Conditions of Winter” Rinat Voligamsi reimagines life in the Russian Red Army in a pretty chillingly awesome way. I want upside-down shadow soldiers marching across a tundra in my home. [mktg]

*Holy: Check out this visualization, which applies modern day sentiment analysis to the Bible. (I was surprised to see so much negativity around laws for cleansing lepers.) [the wuzzles]

*Quotable: Mat Honan writes about Generation X on his tumblr. “Generation X is sick of your bullshit.” And “Generation X wasn’t surprised.” And, my favorite, “Generation X is a journeyman.” (Actually, I would have loved a post that was simply a list of these sort of statements.)

*Brilliance: I did a little tweet of this today, but its brilliance is worth the repeat. The YouTube Insult Generator by Adrian Holovaty should be read about and played with by anyone who cares about the internet, America, or the accidental brilliance that can be found in abject stupidity.

*Football: This Boba Fett viking helmet makes me wonder if Mr. Fett would actually be an upgrade to this year’s Queens secondary. Even though he is deceased.

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 17th: “It went to shit.”

*Video: These electricity-free lightbulbs made out of water bottles are illuminating the homes of thousands of people throughout the Philippines.

*Clothing: Do you believe this Hitchcock vs. Angry Birds design should make its way onto a t-shirt? You can help. I mean, it wouldn’t be as helpful as giving thousands of poor people the gift of electricity-free light. It’s more like helping one guy, a graphic designer who probably has a nicer computer than you. And whose glasses are probably obnoxious. Like maybe square. Or clear.

*Online: The recent Moot talk that’s going around, the one in which he speaks about how identity is prismatic and Facebook and Google are doing it wrong strikes a chord with me. (I’m saying that not only as the listenerd, but as all of my selves. I guess it struck a chord with mes.)

*Food: Bourdain talks to Playboy. Basically, I’ll go anywhere Golden Fiddle sends me. “I don’t mind looking like an asshole on television or looking like an idiot if that was the reality of the situation.” This quote hits me right between the eyes. Especially the “reality of the situation” part.

*Television: Beavis and Butthead is coming back to MTV, and the reporter who wrote this profile thinks Mike Judge is hot!

*Movies: I have enjoyed nearly every Pixar movie I have ever seen, and think John Lasseter is a smart and talented man. However, Cars 2 was a steaming pile of elephant feces, conceived and executed for all the worst reasons in seemingly as crass a manner as possible. (John Lasseter disagrees.)

*Exercise: Let’s say for a moment that you take up the fitness activity known as kettle bells. Shouldn’t your kettle bells look like demons? Or maybe huge donuts? Also, if you prefer the term kettle balls, they could look like testicles. But that’s a little obvious, isn’t it, pervert?

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 15, 2011:

*Listicles: Defective Yeti determines his own blood alcohol level based on what he’s wearing when he wakes up after a night of drinking.

*Transmedia: Forget the Tumblr-turned-book deal. It’s time for the comment-turned-screenplay. A Reddit comment has lead to a screenwriting deal. (The comment was based around the question, What if U.S. Marines were transported back in time to fight Roman legions?)

*Photography: When I say “throwable panoramic ball camera,” does your brain accidentally translate it into “throw up” and then a string of some other words that don’t matter nearly as much as throw up does? Mine does. Mine does. [via notcot]

*Music: Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore have split up. What will now happen to the band is unclear.

*Walking backwards: Hull, Wisconsin is considering banning bicycles and pedestrians from its streets. Shouldn’t we get past the day and age when people discriminate against cyclists and move directly to publicly torturing roller bladers? [via treehugger]

*Mashups: Horn Bike is a bike mount-cum-amplifier for your iPhone. In some ways I fear that this would make texting while biking TOO easy. Also, Etsy comes to the fixie crowd with this bike planter. If only you could give a bicycle a beard. OMG, get an easily completed online business plan form!

*Today’s links: Fudge.

Links for October 13, 2011: Switch bugs on an obvious refusal

*Breaking!: 98% of the skeletal remains of a theropod who died in its youth have been found in southern Germany! This may be the most complete dinosaur fossil ever discovered! (My son made me put all those exclamations in there. In fact, he is responsible for this entire entry.)

*Cramping: Check out these Foogos, logos of sports team and comic book characters that are made out of food. Nearly debilitating in their wasteful and overindulgent repulsiveness! What we really need is a Minnesota Vikings logo made out of dog shit.

*Neurotypicality: Those who know me well might understand why I have a special interest in neurotypicality and empathy. I found this online empathy quotient test that Coudal linked to interesting for a couple reasons. One was because it was designed by the foremost authority on Autism Spectrum Disorder, Simon Baron-Cohen (cousin of Ali G), and two because I got the AVERAGE male score. I’m totally average!!!

*Battles in the Sky: This New York Times video features the timeless art of kite fighting. It’s important here to remember the words of Sun Tzu, “[Something something] TOO MUCH SLACK! PULL IT! NOW RUN!! GO GO!!”

*Local: The Minneapolis startup scene is remarkably dismal. I guess it receives no help (in my book, at least) from Wahooly, a new “alpha” service that gets a bunch of people to market startups. I am depressed. Also, I think I went to high school with one of the founders. AM I STARTING TO LOOK OLD AROUND THE EYES??? On an even more tangential note, sometimes I wonder if the folds under George Clooney’s eyes smell like cigarette smoke.

*Podcasts: It sounds like Alec Baldwin will be launching a podcast soon. Though I have become HIGHLY reliant on podcasts for my information and entertainment needs of late, I’m a little trepidatious of this one simply because I recently learned via Mr. Baldwin’s Twitter feed that he is a huge fan of THE EAGLES. (YES, THE INCREDIBLY TEDIOUS BAND.)

*Medicine: This oncologist speculating about the cause and arc of Steve Jobs’ illness and death is jarring. [mefi]

*Identity: I am Charles Vasa. We are all Charles Vasa.

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 12, 2011: The Phenomenology of Desire

*Real headlines: Family Lost in Massachusetts Corn Maze Calls 911 for Help. They were only 25 feet from the exit. Don’t ever read the transcripts of this. Ever. Similarly (not really?), the movie Drive inspired a man to throw a hot dog at Tiger Woods. I just report this shit. Then cry about it. Then cry about the crying.

*Inventions: The Keaton Music Typewriter is fairly amazing. And my recent analog yearnings are totally driving me toward it. Speaking of analog yearnings, Kottke posted this today, a link to a tumblr called Fuck Yeah Made in USA. (My “analog yearnings” were directed at the tumblr, not Kottke.) [notcot]

*Art: You’re telling me that there’s a Batman musical with music by Meat Loaf? And that Meat Loaf is two words? Like, there’s a separate surname? I call bullshit.

*Vizzie: On this map, the black areas represent users of Facebook. The gold areas represent non-users. I am like a single speck of gold shining in an all-swallowing ocean of black. [via heckadecimal]

*Twitter: I recommend that everyone follow Fake Pew Research. Like, I mean, this one? Also, Neko Case, who claims to be a man, but, whatever she is, is excellent. (A little heavy on the animal shelters…) Also, follow @thewuzzles, who has been doing some INCREDIBLE work with TGI Friday’s lately.

*Local: If you like poetry, the ABSURDIST poet James Tate will be reading at the Walker tomorrow night! For free! There will also be a webcast, I guess? I recommend going or reading some Tate. Here’s a little: “People in glass elevators shouldn’t carry snow shovels.” (I agree.)

*Cycling: This is wonderful? The Speed Vest is an item of clothing that indicates a cyclist’s speed on the back. I could use one of these for running, but instead of my speed, it would simply say what I had just eaten. (E.g. “Some weird salmon meal.”)

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 10, 2011: Neurotypicality be damned

*For rent: The world’s largest shopping mall, the New South China Mall, currently has a 2% occupancy rate. (Maybe this is an opportunity for an Occupy The World’s Largest Shopping Mall movement? Need + Need = Virtuous Circle? Of Need? Let’s do this.)

*Games: Someone should start a game that allows people to bet on who will make the next egregious business misstep, Netflix or Groupon. A Futures Failures Market.

*Photos: The daily Occupy Wall Street photo: Kanye West (not nude).

*Money: Incomes in the U.S. have fallen more since the recession “ended” than they did during the recession. Workers are in a vice.

*Midgets: Some people who have made a bunch of recipes for foods from the “Game of Thrones” books have scored themselves a cookbook deal. [coudal]

*Animations: I normally hate Slate’s manipulative, knee-jerk contrarian headlines, and hence link infrequently to that site. However, the animation of the 2012 Republican campaign as a horse race is very good. Also, after hearing about how Slate’s Culture Gabfest podcast was very good for a LONG time, I finally allowed myself to listen to it. And it’s very good. Ugh.

*Music: First of all, I did not know that Toby Keith had a song called “Red Solo Cup.” Second of all, I did not know that the red solo cup is currently being redesigned. FACTS.

*Hominids: Fuck Yetis. (IS IT JUST ME OR IS THAT PERHAPS THE WORLD’S GREATEST AS YET UNREALIZED BUMPER STICKER?)

*Please note: Neurotypicality be damned. Can anyone tell me what a caddis fly pupa looks like?

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 8, 2011: The care and feeding of isolationism

*Ads: Check out Audi’s interactive YouTube driving videogame. If you are in the market for a mid-high end automobile. Or like ads.

*Home: The thing I found funniest about this very good Lauren Collins article about IKEA is the description of the company’s founder’s home town: “Älmhult lies halfway between the North Sea and the Baltic Sea, in Småland, a remote region of barren, rocky flatland. Smålanders are known, more or less, as the Scots of Sweden. Faced with the area’s harsh winters and lack of arable soil, many of them immigrated to Minnesota in the nineteenth century.” Right between the eyes: Scot, Swedish, Minnesota, lack of arable soil.

*Photos: A nude Gaius Baltar, who has apparently joined the Occupy Wall Street movement.

*Science: I highly recommend that you look at these sponge human body sculptures by Etienne Gros. One is of a butt.

*Hypermediated: Barry Ritholtz pull-quotes Nicholas Thompson wondering who will be the next Steve Jobs in the New Yorker: “[Mark Zuckerberg] gives every indication of being the next Bill Gates: a smart dude who has one great idea at the right time, builds a monopoly, and then keeps it by releasing stuff that’s good enough but never great.”

*Slides: This slideshow of cargo bikes reminds me that I would like to cut up a Burley and load it up with like half a dozen sheets of plywood. Or maybe paving stones. (For what it’s worth, you see more radically weird ones around here weekly.)

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 7, 2011: Inspirational “content” to be “consumed”

*Blogs: For a site entirely about donkeys, this blog sure has a stupid name. (Anything other than “That Ass” is a stupid name in this situation.)

*Video: Designer Mike Thompson has invented a WiFi dowsing rod. What I think could be interesting is a subject-agnostic dowsing rod with built-in location sensitive software and either a voice input or a small keyboard, so you could change what you wanted to dowse depending on your mood and needs. For instance, a rest room. Or a drink. (Not necessarily in that order.) [notcot]

*Digits: You had me at 16-fingered robot, 16-fingered robot (or spokesperson for said). I should mention that this robot washes your hair. Remind me to someday tell you about the head massage I long ago received in China from a young lady who had just barely finished picking her nose. It’s utterly disgusting.

*Local: For anyone who has ever driven up Interstate 35, north of the Twin Cities, I present you with this image. (Link contains 1990s pop culture innuendo and grainy, tilted photograph.)

*Obits: My brilliant former colleague Jeff Yang wrote about “The Zen of Steve Jobs” in his new column for the Wall Street Journal, Tao Jones. I found this Onion piece insightful, as well. Link contains the F word. (You know; fuck.)

*Author’s note: You have my solemn promise that I will never, on this blog, post any “content” that I intend for people to “consume.” That would be rude.

*Today’s links: F. Give me one month to get back into fighting trim. One month. (Also, I should lose about 15 pounds.)

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